How to find freedom from bondage to sexual soul ties caused by sexual sin.
During the so-called “sexual liberation” of the 60’s, the general mindset of the public was and still is, that people could have sex outside the bonds of marriage with impunity. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Sexual soul ties are formed in various ways; by indulging in promiscuity, pornography, homosexuality, sexual relationships and adultery.
“The most powerful soul-ties occur in the sexual relationship. Through this physical/spiritual union we experience either great fulfillment and blessing, or great manipulation and destruction. A young Christian woman with the highest morals worked at a firm where a man determined to seduce her. Whenever he came past her desk (and he found multiple reasons to do so), he appeared helpful and caring, but also available and interested in her beauty. He told her how she brightened his day, and that if it were not for her, he didn’t know how he could go on in life. Though she was flattered by the attention, she was able to resist, but as he persisted, he slowly broke down her defenses with tender words and solemn promises.
Eventually she did what she promised herself she would never do: she became intimate, but after their fling, he turned his attention to the girl who worked on the other side of the hall. Yet, though cruelly betrayed by him, she still could not break free from his power and control. She would succumb to his advances, almost helpless to say no. His control of her (and others), was evil and for all practical purposes, complete. When she came to her senses, she says that though she knew all along what he was doing, he had such power over her that she tossed everything that was dear to her overboard simply to please him.
And that is not the end of the story: when she left the firm the relationship ended, but she began a spiral of immoral relationships. Now that she was introduced to the world of sexuality, she would seek men with whom she could become intimate.
Sexuality and Creation
Think of it. Although Adam had the awesome privilege of walking with God in the Garden of Eden, the Lord said that something important was still missing! “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). God unmistakably affirms that man is a social creature and needs companionship that is “suitable” for him.
When God created Adam, He chose to use the dust of the ground for the raw material. “Then the Lord God formed man of the dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being” (Gen. 2:7).
We might expect that God would shape a similar form from dust when He created Eve. But we read, “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken out of the man, and brought her to the man” (Gen. 2:21, 22).
When God created Eve out of Adam’s flesh, He made a powerful statement about our sexuality. Apparently, the first Adam contained within himself both maleness and femaleness. God separated the femininity from the masculinity forming two separate people created in the image of God. With this separation came a powerful implanted desire in the male and the female to be reunited in an intimate oneness.
We must therefore accept our sexual desires as from God. The desire for sexual intimacy is a yearning for completeness. There is a magnetic attraction between a man and a woman that is innate, powerful, and unyielding.
God’s entire plan for the human race was dependent on the sex drive inherent within every human being. If Adam had not been sexually attracted to Eve, the human race would have ended with the death of our two parents. But God made the desire for physical intimacy so strong that there was no chance Adam would look at Eve and walk away!
Second, our sexuality must be seen as the highest form of human communication and beauty. We’ve learned that sex is holy; indeed, so holy that the Holy of Holies was considered to be the bridal chamber where God met with Israel.
The Marriage Soul-Tie
What is marriage? In marriage, a man and a woman are joined by two bonds. The first is a covenant, an agreement that they will live together until “death does them part.” The sex act creates the second bond that joins them, body, soul, and spirit.
Sex creates a “soul-tie” between two people forming the most intimate of all human relationships. When the Bible says, “Adam knew his wife” (KJV), the word “know” is not simply a euphemism for the sex act. Sexual intercourse actually consummates the highest form of human inter-personal communication and knowledge. Indeed this exclusive familiarity cannot be easily erased. Once a man and a woman have had sex together, nothing can be the same between them ever again. There simply is no such thing as a brand new beginning.
God intended that the first experience be enjoyed by a man and a woman who are wholly committed to each other within the protection of a covenant. That was to assure the acceptance and unconditional love that guard the most intimate of all human relationships.
Once this bond has been established, it must be nurtured, strengthened, and kept pure. This happens through mutual caring, the development of trust and respect. When the commitment is threatened, the sexual fulfillment (at least on the part of one partner, if not both) is diminished.
What about all the relationships that exist without the benefit of a marriage covenant? What about all those who are promiscuous? What about fornication, adultery, homosexual relationships?
Perhaps one of the most surprising passages in the New Testament regarding the nature of sexuality is found in Paul’s words to the church in Corinth, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a harlot is one body with her? For he says, ‘THE TWO WILL BECOME ONE FLESH.’” (1Cor. 6:15, 16).
We would all agree that sex with a prostitute is sex without a commitment, sex without any hint of mutual respect or caring. Prostitution is based on raw lust—sex for mutual exploitation. Yet, incredibly, Paul says that God joins the prostitute to her partner and the “two become one flesh.” To prove it he quotes from Genesis 2:24 where in Eden God joined Adam and Eve into one. Sex of any kind always bonds people together body, soul, and spirit.
Now here is an instance where one polluted soul will now pollute another soul; you have sex with someone who has been defiled with causal sex and your soul is defiled. There is a communication of soul to soul and spirit to spirit.
Thus, while in marriage the soul-tie is pure and blessed; outside of marriage it is polluted and cursed. Such bonds are outside the boundaries and nurture of a marriage covenant. These bonds intrude, violating what God intended. Two persons have come together in an intimate union without the security of a covenant based on respect and trust.
The Consequences of Impure Soul-Ties
What are the consequences of these polluted bonds?
The Power of the First Bond
When an evil man wants to take a young woman and make her a prostitute, he will rape her; then he will isolate her and she will become his slave. In such instances not only is there a powerful bonding of control, but also there can be a transference of spirits—a powerful demonic influence. When you have sex with someone, you are opening your soul up to them; you are opening your soul to their soul, with all of the good or evil that that implies.
Young people should take note: One reason to guard their virginity is that after they have been sexually bonded, nothing can ever be the same again. That special sexual experience is best enjoyed within the bounds of the security and trust of a covenant.
The first sexual experience or experiences are so powerful that they can even determine the direction of a person’s sexual orientation. A boy recruited by an older male homosexual may initially hate the experience, but because sex bonds two people together, he may begin to feel a sense of security and fulfillment within this relationship. Soon he seeks out other partners, not because he was born a homosexual but because his initial experiences were so stamped upon his soul that he follows the lead of his newly awakened desires.
The Road to Promiscuity
Second, alien bonds often lead to promiscuity. Once a sexual bond has been formed, there will be a desire to maintain that bond or seek other ones to replace it. Therefore one sexual experience outside of marriage can begin a spiral of illicit relationships. Once a person has crossed a forbidden sexual barrier, he or she might have a powerful desire to do so again and again.
The first bond created a “soul-tie” that could not be easily dismissed. After the initial experience, nothing could ever quite be the same. Now that this woman’s soul was plundered, she could no longer maintain the bond with the first mate, she sought others to find the fulfillment she craved. A search for intimacy had developed that she tried to satisfy. Since she felt defiled, there seemed to be no reason not to begin a sexual quest.
Guilt, Anger, Shame
Finally, there is guilt—the restless conscience that leads to anger and depression. Now many involved in an alien bond might not feel guilty at first. Because they have been starving for a meaningful relationship, their initial experience of intimacy can be so euphoric that they feel no remorse, no guilt, no regrets. But just like poison might initially quench one’s thirst, eventually the guilt and shame will be on its way.
Finally, alien bonds often make it difficult to create an exclusive bond. In fact, some who have been promiscuous will fear an exclusive bond, unsure whether they can be true to such a commitment. Others who try to focus on one relationship find that their marriage partner cannot fill the emptiness that past relationships generated in their lives. Memories can be so powerful that no present relationship can compare with the titillation of past illicit affairs.
Thankfully God is able to enter into the picture and bring both cleansing and sexual wholeness. He is the only one qualified to give us the rules by which we are to live, and He is also qualified to pick us up out of the moral quagmire.
How is one restored? First, by cleansing the conscience through the forgiveness of Christ.
Second, we have to recognize the soul-tie for what it is: a demonic ploy to keep us bound, to keep us paying our dues to past relationships and past sins. We should know that we do not have to do that; we do not have to be held hostage to the past.
Third, we have to break off those relationships that keep us bound; those relationships that keep us going back to the people and things that have us bound. For some, the thought of being free from a controlling personality, who may also be taking care of us, is more than we can handle.
Fourth, you cannot do this alone. Why? Because the only way to break polluted soul-ties is to develop healthy ties through friendship with people and with God. We are to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, with all our soul…this means that we will have to break the power of seductive spirits; we will have to fight for our right to freedom from the influence of those who would destroy and defile our souls.
How can these bonds be broken? And what can be done in the lives of those who are even now plagued with past memories? These issues will be explored in the next message.”