My Testimony of Deliverance & Healing From Depression


Many are struggling with depression so terrible it has taken over their lives and stolen their joy, and even their desire to go on living. When depression is so deep that it seems living is a burden to one’s self and one’s loved ones, there seems to be no answer, or hope. But this is all upside down to what the Word of God says.Contrary to what has been taught in the churches that healing has been done away with after the Apostles, this is a lie!

Jesus doesn’t change, the scriptures do not change; Jesus is the same yesterday,today and forever.He said heaven and earth will pass away, but my word will never pass away. Matthew 24:35

I was in that dark, black hole of deepest depression for 7 long nightmarish years, complete with panic attacks so bad, I wanted to kill myself.

I was an atheist, I had NO believe in God, but still I was afraid of dying because something in me was still unsure of what was on the other side.  My life had become a living hell, and there seemed to be no way out except to destroy myself. But still….I was terrified of dying as well. Little did I know at the time I was being tormented by demonic spirits in my sick body and diseased mind. That’s a hard thing to admit but it was true. Christians and unbelievers alike nowadays tend to discount the activity of demons in people’s minds and the way they work and affect people. They shouldn’t. This is what Satan wants… remain undercover, so his demons can continue to work destruction in the lives of people; just like the Lord Jesus Christ said, “Satan comes to kill, steal…..and destroy”.  This is what was happening to me, I was being literally destroyed by Satan, but I had no idea at the time what was behind my mental agony.  What a sad, pathetic person I had become. But as opposed to Satan, the Lord Jesus Christ had other plans for me.

Late one night, I’d been lying on my sofa, planing how I might kill myself, I remember getting up to drag myself to bed as I usually did, dreading even that, and as I walked toward my bedroom, in my despair, I said, “Oh dear God, Jesus help me”, not even thinking about the fact that I didn’t believe in God or Jesus! Six short but meaningful words that were going to soon change my life forever.

Anyway, I went on to bed, and slept.

The next morning when I got up, all of a sudden, instead of dragging myself out of bed, dreading the day ahead as I usually did, I felt this incredible joy, and euphoric vitality, and energy bubbling up from inside myself.

Something I had never before in my life felt. To say the least, I was astonished! And overjoyed beyond belief.

I had thought as many of you, that my life had been irreparably ruined and that I’d never be the same again……..but I had just had my depression and panic attacks completely removed, and my entire being was full of happiness, joy and laughter. My thoughts of suicide were gone. My mental pain was gone, I was healed!

How could this be?

As I said, I’d been an atheist, but I’m not stupid or crazy. I realized I’d just had a miracle; there was no other possible way this could have happened.  Putting 2 and 2 together, trying to understand what had happened, I figured first of all, that it had to have been supernatural, because I’d been on antidepressants, and Valium, and had seen counselors, therapists, shrinks and doctors for 7 yrs, and none of it helped!

I knew without a doubt what happened could only have been supernatural, it had to come from a God, and if it came from God to heal me, it must have been because whoever, or whatever he was, he loved me.

The problem was, I didn’t know who this mysterious God was, and I didn’t remember saying, “Oh dear God, Jesus help me” til 8 months later. Since that day of my miraculous and astonishing healing,  I had set out on a quest, a  journey seeking to find out who this wonderful God was, went down several blind alleys; New Age, Buddhism, and got no where. In fact, I was loosing all the original joy that I’d had when I was first healed and delivered. I knew something was wrong but in my spiritual confusion I didn’t know what it was. Satan was still trying to lead me astray into false religions by this point. Finally a Christian lady came into my life, and began praying for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but the Father was drawing me, just as Lord Jesus said, ……. and not only that, but had been for the past 7 years, even through those black years of despair and depression! Amazing grace!

“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day.” John 6:44

One thing led to another and my heart became more tender, until the day God came into my heart like a love bomb and I had that “born again” experience which has changed my life forever. The next miracle; I received the gift of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit! So, here was this former atheist who still didn’t know who God was, being led by the Spirit of God to drive to a Christian book store, not even knowing why………. and buying bible’s she had previously called, “fairy tales”, and then going home and literally reading and reading. It all came clear at that point just who God was….it had been God the Father, and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ all along. New Age was a lie. Buddhism was a deception and a lie. And certainly…atheism was the biggest lie of all! JESUS CHRIST IS LORD, and He is SAVIOR.

If this all sounds pretty weird…I suppose you’d be right. But those who think erroneously that God has to operate the way they or the “church” thinks He should….they are badly mistaken. He can do what He wants, when He wants and in just the right way according to His will and purpose.

Are you sick, depressed, brokenhearted, feeling hopeless or in need of physical healing? Do you feel there is something missing from your life, but can’t seem to identify what it is? Ask God to help you and reveal his love for you. Pick up a regular modern English bible and read the gospel of John.

Many will try to tell you this is not true, but I haven’t taken the time to bare my soul and lie to you. It is real, and you can be healed, maybe not in the same way I was, but healed is healed.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for your souls”. This may include healing and deliverance as well as allowing Jesus to be your burden bearer and comforter.

Many years have passed since then, and I have had lots of struggles and trials, but I’ve had Jesus, the anointed one’s help to overcome them every step of the way.

He is our healer. Isa 53;4 “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

This is a part of what Jesus accomplished for us through his suffering.

What can prevent our appropriating this healing that Jesus already paid for with his blood? Unbelief on our part….
Read on…Jesus could do no mighty works because of THEIR UNBELIEF! And so it is today!

There is a cure for unbelief…FAITH. For the bible says without faith it is impossible to please God.To doubt is to be double minded.Double minded people will receive nothing from God…Why? because it amounts to doubt, and unbelief.So, you see, it all goes back to faith.
So, how do you build your faith? By studying the bible daily…the daily manna, the bread of life. And by praying in the spirit. These are the things which done consistently will help build faith for healing or any other need.But in this post, we are mainly considering the need for healing and deliverance and the LORD’S ability and desire to heal his people.
Please take time to do a search on all bible passages relating to healing; there are many.

It is God’s will to heal and set us free from doubt and the bondage of unbelief. There are very few things that will hinder God from performing his will in healing, except…
unconfessed sin, or unforgiveness toward others, worry, doubt, and unbelief. Take care of these issues in your life if you have them, and trust God to perform his word.

As for me; what caused me to become an athiest in the first place? In a word…the apostate, false church. You see, I had grown up having a simple belief in the Lord Jesus. My parents weren’t church goers but my mom had been raised in a Christian family and her father, my grandfather had been a Nazarene preacher.  My mom did instill a belief about Jesus in me. As a teen and later, a young woman, I began going to church faithfully, but the problem was, nothing was happening in my life to spiritually sustain me. The church went through their programs, but they didn’t believe in the Holy Spirit Baptism or spiritual gifts. Nor did they teach us to pray and read the word. We were just expected to show up every Wednesday and Sunday.

I was going through a serious trial at the time, and had no spiritual help whatsoever. Then one day, I was standing in the sanctuary at church, listening to these two women talking about the churches next Bingo Game. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “There is nothing to this”….and I walked out, never to return.

After that, I backslid bigtime, and for many years became a very lost soul. My mind became darkened by sin, and I completely forgot about God to the extent I no longer believed in God or Jesus. I had been blinded by the god of this world, Satan. I hadn’t realized until many years later that the Lord had been indeed trying to reach me, even in that false church setting, simply because I had been seeking Him.

The problem came because I was seeking Him through the church and equating “church” with Jesus, and that’s not the way to find Him. He is the Way, not the Church. The Church can’t save you, only Jesus can. The best church can do is point the way….but when they don’t point the way by teaching the word and teaching you to pray, the end result is confusion, deception, doubt and unbelief. And you know…Satan feeds on that.

That said, I urge any of you seeking the Truth about the Lord God, to keep seeking HIM…… period. In His Word and in prayer. You can be sure if you do that, He will show up in a marvelous way. Perhaps not like He did with me, but He will.

God bless you in Jesus Holy, Mighty Name