In God’s Eyes-Divorce and Remarriage

In today’s world divorce and remarriage is easy to come by, insofar as civil laws are concerned. Even in Christian circles, divorce and remarriage is becoming very common, and many Christians, claiming to be devout Christians seem to think it’s acceptable. However, God’s Word makes it clear that what may be acceptable in the eyes of man is an abomination to God. God’s Word is not hard to understand on the very important issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage. In fact, it’s very clear, unless people just try to gloss over the scriptures and pretend they aren’t there or that they surely don’t apply to them.

I started thinking about this issue because a couple recently came to me who are planning to “get married”. It’s an odd case. The woman was first married to a man who abused her as well as committed adultery, and she divorced him. According to scripture, she would have been free to marry again, which she did within a couple of years. That too was a mistake, and they divorced. He had not committed adultery, but eventually he died prematurely. During this period of time she remarried again, this time to an alcoholic, and he too died of his alcoholism. He had not committed adultery during the time of their marriage.

Shortly after than, she remarried the first husband, which only lasted a few months. During that time he did not commit adultery, (this time). They divorced, and shortly after, she married the next guy, and they separated after a couple of years. During the time they were married he didn’t commit adultery. They parted ways, but are still not divorced yet.

Please bear in mind that this woman had been “saved” early in her life, but had backslidden, (obviously). Between marriages she also had numerous sexual encounters, by her own admission, including living with different men.

Are you confused yet? If not, you probably will be if you continue reading. So, now, this man she is planning to marry has never been married before. The plot has already thickened, but now gets a little thicker. There is a serious scriptural indication, at least according to the proper understanding of God’s Word, (not the loosey goosey man made version), that not only this woman will be violating God’s marriage covenant laws, but will be causing this man she marries to commit adultery as well…(even if she legally divorces the guy she’s still married to). I might add here that this case may seem to be extreme, it’s not all that uncommon in Christian circles. and not only that, but be accepted into churches without so much as a raised eyebrow.

Now, many Christians, in reading the Word, and translating it in their own way and understanding seem to think that this is all very legalistic and harsh. But I’m not the one who made the rules, God did, and He makes it very clear in his Word:
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5.

Does that sound like some pretty heavy stuff not to be dabbling around with where you’re eternal destiny is concerned? I would think so! People may be making all kinds of excuses to skirt the issues but God takes His Word very seriously.

This link is EXCELLENT,and covers all the ground, including that of what applies in the case of an abusive spouse, or abandonment.
 
http://www.gospelway.com/family/divorce_remarriage.php
 

Divorce and remarriage have become common as civil law allows no-fault divorce. A husband or wife may dissolve a marriage for almost any grounds and remarry, regardless of the will of their spouse. The result is that many people marry without considering the teaching of the Bible. Is fornication (or adultery) the only Scriptural grounds for divorce, or does the gospel allow marriage to be dissolved for other grounds? Please consider this careful study of the Biblical teaching.

Domestic Abuse in Christian Marriages- Bug Out Plan

I’ve known a few women who’ve worn their abuse like a sort of perverse “badge of honor”, as if it proved them to be  more courageous and somehow spiritually “righteous” by staying in a horribly abusive marriage. This can be a weird sort of pride and spiritual masochism, and it’s not conducive to the wife’s own spiritual growth, or…that of her abuser, who may view his wife/ victims staying in the marriage as a sign she deserved the abuse. Only when the woman gathers the emotional and spiritual sensibility to remove herself, and get out, can she begin to heal and move forward in her own spiritual growth.  And now,  with his victim removed from the scene of the crime, only then is her abuser able to get the memo that he needs to start looking within himself, not her, as the source of his problems.

 

 

 

Women, you are not doing your spouse any favors by allowing this behavior on the part of your husband to continue by staying with him indefinitely! On the contrary, there is a good possibility that you may need to get out of God’s way and allow Him to deal with your abusive husband. Many a good wife has found herself in the middle between a man and God and what God is trying to accomplish in that man’s life, and by refusing to leave finds herself getting hurt! And….God will allow it if that’s what she decides to do!

This is not being selfish on the wife’s part by leaving a serial abuser. It amounts to taking an active part in changing her life, and that of her husband…even though she may never choose to go back into the marriage.

Often men have no motivation to change until a crisis occurs. The “crisis” may have to be that of his wife removing herself from an intolerable situation…..by leaving him.  However, the object here is not to make a move in order to “change” one’s husband, it’s a matter of being safe,  spiritually, emotionally and physically. An abusive man, after all,  is unstable in all his ways.

Can a verbally abusive man suddenly turn violent? You had better understand that yes, of course he can. But know this as well, that verbal abuse can be just as bad or worse than physical abuse. Just ask any woman who has experienced it.

 

 

I’ve recently had a friend tell me, “Well, God hasn’t told me to leave”. I’ve tried to reason with her. But, after all, it is her marriage and she’s going to have to be the one to make decisions about whether to stay or to leave.  After 22 yrs of marriage to this man, it’s not likely that suddenly he’s going to see the truth of what he’s doing in a bolt from the blue. And, what he has been doing is telling her that she’s the one who is mistreating him! Eaten up with self pity, he lashes at her verbally saying the most cruel and downright viscous remarks. He not only orders her around like his personal slave, treating her like a dog, but then accuses his slave of being the one who is inflicting pain upon him.Keeping her on a never ending emotional roller coaster.

It’s simply crazy, and I fear for her. I will talk to her more and try to get through her spiritual “church conditioning” that has instilled in her that she “submit”, no matter what,  to ask her if she believes God hasn’t told her to leave, if that means he has told her to stay, by this supposed silence on God’s part. Maybe, just maybe, God is leaving it up to her.

I really believe she is listening more to her conditioning than she is hearing from God.

 

When an abused wife starts thinking of suicide as a way out of an abusive marriage, it’s already past time to make an exit and get some help! Leaving is not a sign of failure or weakness.

” And as they sought to stone Jesus, He went through the midst of them.” Jesus is the Savior, not us. We can’t “save” our spouses. If we have somehow found ourselves in an abusive relationship or marriage, we need a spiritual bug out plan.